Gay couples basking in spotlight

By RICK MALWITZ, 

Home News Tribune from the Web, March 11, 2004

With same-sex couples from San Francisco to Asbury Park being married by public officials in defiance of state laws, some members of the gay community see the media's attention as a positive development.

"I agree with what Oscar Wilde said, 'All publicity is good publicity,' " said John Campbell of Edison, who entered a civil union in Vermont in 2002 with his partner, Richard Harrison.  The two plan to marry this summer in Massachusetts.

Laura Pople of Perth Amboy, leader of the New Jersey Lesbian and Gay Coalition, described the same-sex couples who have been wed in recent weeks as "real people."

"These are people who contribute to society and deserve the same rights (as heterosexuals). When you put a face on it, you get much better dialogue," Pople said.

"All this media attention can only help the movement. It is allowing for a much needed debate," said Michael Koy of New Brunswick.

"I hope what comes out of this debate is the understanding there are two definitions of marriage, civil and religious. We're looking for equality under the law. We are not asking for religions to change their beliefs," said Koy.

Campbell said his desire to marry is to seal a 17-year commitment with a contract recognized by government.  "It is a civil agreement, not a religious sacrament."

He called opposition to same-sex marriage "another faith-based initiative by the radical right." Campbell also noted that "9/11 was a faith-based initiative" by Islamic radicals.

Not all members of the gay community welcome the media focus. "I think all this attention might backfire," said Harold Goldenberg of Somerset, a volunteer at the Gay-Lesbian Information Line of North Brunswick.

"One of the problems is this is happening in an election year," said the 62-year-old Goldenberg.

As persons on both sides of the issue dig in their heels, Goldenberg noted that candidates for office, including President Bush and presumed Democratic Party challenger John Kerry, "feel as if they have to speak to their constituency. After the election, the pressure would be off."

"Some of the rhetoric does make me uncomfortable," said Koy, who has been in a relationship for three years.

"I don't know if I am ready for marriage, but I want to have that choice. We all pay taxes to the same government. We want the same right Britney Spears had -- to get the same 1,049 benefits that would be denied me, if I was with my partner," said Koy, referring to a list of benefits heterosexual couples receive compiled by Human Rights Campaign, a group that lobbies for homosexual causes.

"We are not asking for 'special' rights. We just want the same rights," said Goldenberg.

Many rights were granted in New Jersey in January, when Gov. James E. McGreevey signed the Domestic Partnership Act. The law extended certain rights to same-sex couples, and unmarried opposite-sex couples over the age of 62, that the state already grants to married couples.

Massachusetts might become the first state to permit same-sex marriages. Its state Supreme Court ruled by a 4-3 majority that same-sex marriages would become legal after May 17, unless barred by the state constitution.

A debate in the Massachusetts legislature is scheduled to resume today on a proposed compromise amendment that would ban same-sex marriages and provide for civil unions. An effort to reach a compromise last month failed.

"If we as a state can take a stand for marriage as it has always been defined in public policy then I believe that can send a signal across the country that even liberal Massachusetts is holding the line," Ron Crews, head of the Massachusetts Family Institute, told The Associated Press.

A USA Today poll of 1,005 adults conducted last weekend found gay marriage was opposed by a 61-33 ratio. However, the concept of legal civil unions was favored by a 54-42 ratio.

Campbell said yesterday that momentum is on the side of change: "The genie is out of the bottle, and nobody's going to bring it back."

Should Campbell and Harrison be wed in Massachusetts, other states, including New Jersey, would not have to recognize the union, under terms of the Defense of Marriage Act, signed into law by President Clinton in 1996. That law also defined marriage as a union between "one man and one woman."

This week McGreevey noted that the state Supreme Court ruled that same-sex marriages are forbidden by state statute. "Ultimately we are a nation of laws, and we must abide by the law," he said.

On Monday, a gay couple was married in Asbury Park. On Tuesday, city officials were ordered by state Attorney General Peter C. Harvey to halt marrying same-sex couples, or risk criminal prosecution and possible fines.

In a statement issued yesterday, Harvey said, "We will continue to maintain that existing state law, as interpreted by the courts of this state, does not permit same-sex marriages at this time."

Authorities in California and New York also halted same-sex marriages, after the mayors of San Francisco and New Paltz, N.Y., conducted civil ceremonies.

Koy applauded public officials who acted outside the law, saying acts of defiance are consistent with a nation that celebrates the Boston Tea Party. "This is how change comes about. When Rosa Parks got on that bus, she was breaking Jim Crow laws," said Koy, referring to a black woman who refused to sit on the back of a bus in Birmingham, Ala., in 1955, as required by local law.

Pople said her group has worked closely with Asbury Park officials in preparation for the annual New Jersey Pride parade. "The city council has been tremendous. They see the gay community as their neighbors," she said.

"Asbury is the new gay mecca," said Charlie Maffei, 33, a city resident who completed with his partner an application for a marriage license on Tuesday.

Goldenberg said he was in a six-year relationship before the death of his partner 10 years ago. He is not certain if the two would have entered a marriage agreement, had the law allowed, nor does he predict a change in the law will not result in gays and lesbians mimicking Britney Spears and making hasty decisions to marry.

"Straight or gay, marriage is not for everybody," he said.

Rick Malwitz(732) 565-7327; rmalwitz@thnt.com

Thanks to www.GayPASG.org for identifying this article.