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Moms
with a mission
By
Ellen Wilkowe, Daily Record, November 11, 2004
Call them mothers with missions. This
weekend, more than 200 mothers from across the nation will come together
in Parsippany to promote their roles and rights as caregivers.
(And yes, child care is available.)
Welcome to Mothering Matters, a two-day
conference at the Parsippany Sheraton that spotlights the work of
mothers -- with an emphasis on work.
The National Association of Mothers'
Centers is a nearly 30-year-old nationwide organization operated by
mothers, for mothers on a community level.
The centers foster supportive maternal
bonds and also advocate the mother's well-being as a recognized
individual.
Some call it the mothers' movement, and the
23rd annual conference will function as an open forum to move it
forward.
"Women learn from each other about
normal child development and discuss various parenting theories,"
Executive Director Linda Juergens wrote in an e-mail to the Daily
Record. "Part of the goal of the program has always been to
motivate women to work for changes that they felt were important to
improve the lives of women, children and families."
Chock full of workshops, the conference
kicks off Saturday with a wide range of discussion groups such as
Grassroots Women's Activism from the Heart; Are Your Defenses Blocking
Your Relationships?; Getting Dad Involved; and Moving Mothers Centers
Forward.
Some of the association's original advocacy
dates back to the late '70s, when the first group helped attain sibling
visitation after birth, "at a time when women were hospitalized for
three days for a vaginal delivery and five to seven days for a
C-section," Jeurgens said. "It was very difficult for
their other children (often 2- and 3-year-olds) to not see their mom for
so long."
The weekend is co-sponsored by the National
Organization for Women of New Jersey. Morris County Chapter
President Mavra Stark sees this as a prime opportunity to move the
mothers' movement forward.
The mother of two grown children, Stark
believes that mothers should be on the front lines of the Women's
Liberation Movement.
"I am talking about stay-at-home
mothers, mothers who work part-time as well as mothers who are full-time
pink collar workers and professionals. We have a great deal in
common," she wrote in an e-mail to the Daily Record.
"Imagine what we might do if we joined forces for the good of all
of us."
According to Stark, NOW began in 1966 as a
strong advocate for mothers' rights, but because of changing times, a
rift formed between stay-at-home-mothers and working women.
"Many women left the organization who
were basically with NOW to push for economic and social rights for what
we then called homemakers," she said.
"After the backlash began,
stay-at-home mothers tended not to align themselves with NOW or with any
feminist organization because they thought we were all full-time
professional women or gay women or didn't have any children.
Heaven only knows what they thought.
"It's a funny thing, most women are
mothers," she wrote. "Almost all activists in Morris County NOW have children.
… We'd like to see NOW chapters all over the country organize feminist
mothers."
Laurie Pettine of Mendham, a co-founder of
Morris Mothering NOW, a task force branch of Morris County NOW, is attending
the conference for the first time.
"They are the top authorities on
mothers' economic rights and issues," she said.
Morris Mothering NOW debuted in August, a
collaborative effort of Pettine, Stacey Gregg of Rockaway and Beth
Sparacino of Morris
Township.
They meet at the Watnong Center in Morris Plains, and while their
children play, the group lays its issues out on the table: Social
Security credits for stay-at-home moms, paid family leave, overcoming
the inflexibility of corporate culture.
"Most of our issues fall under the NOW
umbrella," Pettine said.
Jennifer Vroom Braun of Byram credits her
sister Amanda Vogler with introducing her to the National Association of
Mothers' Centers, even before she became a mother.
"(She) had been a member of the
Mothers' Center
of Central New Jersey,
where she received moral support, parenting information, camaraderie and
personal growth in her journey as a new mother, a wife and a
woman," Vroom Braun wrote in an e-mail to the Daily Record.
"Equally important, she learned about child development and
parenting."
Vroom Braun founded the Mothers' Center of Northwest New Jersey in June 1992
with her friend Susan Milovich after learning that the nearest center
was more than an hour away. The pair became mothers within two
weeks of each other and shared similar anxieties, particularly
isolation. This weekend they will attend the conference with their
two teenage children.
"Many of us had worked full-time until
having our first baby and didn't know anyone in our local area,"
Vroom Braun wrote. "We experienced feelings of isolation at
the same time that we were faced with the most important and most
difficult job of our life! The MC (mothers' center) was a lifeline
which provided a 'family' of others in the same situation. We knew
that we were not alone."
This group, with about 24 members from Morris, Sussex
and Warren counties, meets twice a month on Friday mornings at the
Panther Valley Ecumenical Ministry in Allamuchy but the chapter is
non-sectarian.
The group focuses on a spectrum of issues,
"from child abuse prevention to manicures; from goal setting to
crafts; positive parenting; relationships with husband, in-laws,
parents, friends, siblings; child development and reading; women's
health; feng shui; family vacations; dining with kids; family-friendly
meals; and many more," she wrote in an e-mail to the Daily Record.
Professional speakers who will address
getting organized, goal setting and time management are on the agenda
for the upcoming year.
"I believe that we focus more on the
mother and her personal development than many of the other moms'
groups," Vroom Braun said, praising the group for her own growth
and acquired sense of belonging.
"I have become more confident as both
a parent and a person. At my surprise birthday party yesterday
(Sunday), there were about 10 women who all met through the MC over the
years," she said. "It's wonderful to network with these
other moms and help them connect with new friends or important
resources. Some of them have been mentors to me, and I have been a
mentor to others. This all adds up to a great feeling of
connectedness and belonging."
Having attended National Association of
Mothers' Centers conferences since 1992, Vroom Braun looks to them as a
vehicle to "enrich and energize" and unite with other
members. Her 10-year-old daughter, Jessica "an NMAC
baby," will help out in child care this year, she said.
"One difference between Mothers'
Centers and other mothers' groups is child care," Vroom Braun
said. "Paid child care workers watch the children during MC
meetings, in a different room in the same building. Most full-time
at-home moms welcome relaxation time, some more than others (some moms
are desperate for some 'me' time, while others have more separation
anxiety than their child."
While the National Association for Mothers'
Centers strives for support and advocacy, other groups such as MOMS,
Mothers Offering Moms Support, also connect mothers with young children
on the community level.
"Our club has two facets," said
Liane Swan, membership vice president of MOMS in Parsippany.
"It gives mothers a chance to interact with other mothers, and we
also do charity work that deals with mothers in need in the
community."
MOMS is structured to promote family life,
not intrude on it, Swan said. "We have one evening per month
for just mothers -- Moms' Night Out -- and we also do family
gatherings," she said.
Because of membership growth in the Morris County area, the
original 70-plus-member club broke away from the Boonton branch and
formed its own group in June. The group meets several times a week
with child-focused activities such as a scavenger hunt, kite flying and
play groups. Most recently the group went pumpkin picking and held
a Halloween party for senior citizens at the United
Methodist
Church
in Parsippany.
On a philanthropic level, MOMS of
Parsippany adopted Morristown-based Roots and Wings, a nonprofit, mostly
volunteer group that helps foster youth transition into self-sufficient
adults.
Swan has a message for the characters on
"Desperate Housewives," the new hit Sunday night TV show that
centers on suburban stay-at-home mothers and their often exaggerated
lifestyles.
"Hey, we're not all that
desperate," Swan said.
Ellen
Wilkowe can be reached at ewilkowe@gannett.com
or (973) 428-6662. |
